thank you to Devon and Elizabeth, who took me to X2, to fearlessdiva, who leads by example, and to Deepak Chopra, whose book inspired this title, I don't know why.

how to know god, part one

In the kitchen, Logan bends toward the refrigerator, inspecting its contents with a grimace. His shoulderblades tent from his muscled but overall slight body through the black t-shirt. He reaches inside to tap at a container of chicken salad.

The new guy, Kurt, walks in. He's changed out of the circus clothes and into clothes that smell like Scott, a dark sweater and slacks. He says, "Eh, ah-- gutentag."

Logan lets the refrigerator door fall closed and says, "hey," without looking up. He moves to the cupboard, pulls out a jar of peanut butter.

"How do you do?" Kurt's accent is thick and he tends to speak anyway with his head bowed, looking sideways or up through his blue eyebrows, in a way that's equally and eminently ready for humility or mischief. His build is that of an acrobat, closer to Logan's build than Scott's, so the clothes hang loosely around him. He lingers at the door with his three-fingered hands fidgeting at his sides.

"I do alright." Logan pulls a loaf of bread from a second cupboard, and a butter knife from the cabinet.

"Are you making a sandwich?"

Logan finally looks at the man, a glance of contempt over his shoulder.

"Eh," says Kurt. He goes to the table and sits down in one quick move. He crosses his hands on the pale yellow tablecloth, then looks down and ducks them beneath the table. "May I have a sandwich?"

Logan shoots another look at him, this one blank. Then he says, "Yeah." He smears peanut butter thickly across one piece of bread, then another. He covers them both with more bread and brings them to the table, leaving the jar of peanut butter open on the counter. He hands a sandwich to Kurt, Kurt reaches up a blue hand to recieve it. Logan jerks out a chair and sits without touching the table.

"Danke," says Kurt.

Logan nods and bites into his sandwich.

"So, Ororo tells me zat you are relatively new here yourself."

Logan swallows and says, "yeah." Kurt smiles, but Logan isn't looking.

"Thank you for the sandwich," he says, enunciating the "th"s carefully. "Is there anything to drink?"

Logan jerks his head at the refrigerator.

Kurt rises and opens the refrigerator, bends in. Scott's sweater falls down his back and below it Kurt's lean blue tail hangs from a hole ripped into the slacks. It swishes and taps against Kurt's calf, curls and uncurls around his ankle. Kurt straightens and looks at Logan.

"Zere's no beer."

Logan looks at the refrigerator and then at Kurt. He says, "This is a school."

Kurt cocks an eyebrow. "So?"

A corner of Logan's mouth tugs upward. He says, "You're tellin' me."